Worst Case Congress
Few could have been surprised when, following the finale of The Fiscal Cliff Follies, a survey revealed that We the People hold the 112th Congress in low esteem. Lower, that is, than cockroaches, colonoscopies, used-car salesmen, Nickelback, Donald Trump, traffic jams and head lice, among other delights.
Even Brussels sprouts fared better than our be-hated bicameral legislature. Brussels sprouts! Second only to Lima beans as the most feared vegetable a kid can face on grandma’s holiday table. There they are, scattered on the platter like a miniature minefield between you and the pumpkin pie. Still, those malevolent micro-cabbages clobbered congress in a direct comparison, earning an approval rating that tripled the legislative branch’s shamefully puny percentage.
What, according to Public Policy Polling, could we possibly hold in lower regard than the house and senate? Telemarketers, John Edwards, the Kardashians, communism, lobbyists, North Korea, Fidel Castro, the Ebola virus, playground bullies, Lindsey Lohan, meth labs, communism and gonorrhea.
In short, there’s only one way things could be worse:
Senate Majority Leader Lindsey Lohan and Speaker of the House Kim Kardashian take the advice of lobbyist Fidel Castro and enact legislation declaring the United States a communist country. New, government-owned meth labs fund the costly transition to a Marxist economy. Playground bullies are hired as telemarketers, calling all of us at home during dinner to spread the news. Finally, John Edwards and a cadre of North Korean bioweapons experts knock on the front door, offering you the choice of the Ebola virus or an STD.
Please pass the Brussels sprouts.
(Sadly, all of the poll results mentioned above are real. You can click on the link below to see the complete Public Policy Poll congressional approval survey results.)
Posted by Bill
|
9 comments
Dan O.
Does anyone anywhere actually LIKE the Kardashians? If so, why? And also, could they please stop being famous now?
Bill
According to all available indicators, the answers to your questions are “no” and “no.”
George B.
We The People are losing our footing. All we can do is make comparisons to the things in life that we dislike the most, finding them better than most of our elected body. Sprouts do not taste great or look appealing in a serving platter, but they are extremely healthy for us, proven fact! No matter how you try to prepare our voted-in government leadership, it leaves a bad taste in your mouth and you feel awful all day.
Bill
Your’e onto something. Even when we’re grown ups, we all want to skip the Brussels sprouts and go straight to that big slice of Cool-Whip-slathered pumpkin pie. As the great Walt Kelly wrote in Pogo all those years ago, “We have met the enemy and he is us.”
Gary F.
Brussels sprouts taste really good when prepared with garlic and Parmesan cheese. I don’t think the same can be said for John Boehner…
Leonard W.
I like Brussels Sprouts and if you deep fry them after cutting them in half it helps negate their healthful effects. Hey, I’m not kidding!
Dave
Anyone who would go to the trouble to make brussels sprouts bearable–okay, any guy– shouldn’t be allowed in the kitchen. Or anywhere else.
Kat
Had to laugh at the Brussels sprouts thing. I think the only reason I have been eating them my whole life is because my eight-year-old self read in Tiger Beat magazine that Brussels sprouts were the favorite vegetable of Davy Jones.
Bill
(To the tune of “Daydream Believer”)
Cheer up, eat your greens, Brussels sprouts, string beans,
And a plateful of spinach is a marvelous thing…